Seeing Syamala packing her suitcase, Gopalam asked, “Where are you going?”

Without responding, Syamala furiously shuts the suitcase with a bang. He senses that his wife is quite angry. Of late, there are frequent instances of his wife becoming angry on all and sundry, and arguing even over petty issues. He was quite disturbed by it. But could not ascertain the underlying reason for such behavior even after deep contemplation. Believing that time would settle everything, he preferred to keep quiet.

“Why don’t you reply?” asked Gopalam.

“I have no need to talk to anybody. I am going to my brother,” saying, Syamala started walking out with suitcase in hand.

Gopalam is stunned as though someone had whipped him. He could not understand what was happening nor could he believe what was happening right in front of his eyes. His wife, his Syamala, is she to desert him? Why? What was that he had done? What pain had he caused her that made her prefer even to lead a supportless life on roads rather than live with him? All these thoughts flashed in his mind at once.

Involuntarily, he asked, “When will you be back, Syamala?”

His tone trembled. It sounded melancholic.

Hearing his voice, Syamala turned back swiftly, face reddened with anger. With pent-up emotions, she appeared to be suffocated. Heart was beating fast.

“You ask me shamelessly? I shall not. As long as I breathe, I won’t see your face. I may as well live by begging. Else, may kill …” she could not complete.

“Why, what did I do?” asked Gopalam. Asked, hiding his face behind his palm just to evade her rude reproach. He didn’t ask her. He questioned himself. Not questioned himself, but cursed. No, it’s not cursing himself. He punished himself.

Syamala is in no mood to understand his mental status. She pounces like a cobra that was stamped hard on the tail. “Aren’t you aware of what you did? Imprisoning me in the house; treating me worse than a maid servant; wandering yourself day and night as you fancied … do you think, I am a human being! or, an animal? Dumping a few saris and blouses for my use and feeding me daily are what you thought enough for me! You thought you can play as you pleased! Instead of being a wife to a self-centered cheat like you, it’s better to live dishwashing in a couple of houses.”

In spite of this long emotional outburst, Gopalam failed to understand the underlying problem. With great surprise and shock he just listens to her. Recovering himself, he asked, “Why are you so angry? What did I do? At least, tell me the reason.”

“Ah, drinking milk with closed eyes, the cat believes that nobody is seeing her? You think I haven’t noticed your behavior for the last four months! What after all with this fool, if ever she doubts me, you thought, ‘if I buy a blouse piece she would be happy’ …. In the last four months, have you ever come home well in time …. Have you ever come home before twelve O’ clock? ….”   

Syamala lists out his crimes without even pausing for breath. Unable to listen any further, he says, “You are unnecessarily worrying by imagining the non-existent. You are aware how occupied I am with so many tasks. Koduru village has lost its crops in the floods. The laborers have lost everything, including shelter, and are starving for food. Donations are being collected for them. Knowing it fully well if you doubt me, what can I do. Working for the fellow beings has also become a crime! You are an intelligent woman, …”

“Stop it! It is with these gullible talks you have brought me to this stage. Making me believe about your social service and donations, your romancing with Yasoda, you think, no one is aware ….” 

“Syamala!” Yelling angrily and forgetting himself, Gopalam stepped forward.

“I know all your deeds. Saying this and that and confining me to home, you return home as you wish, and over it tell me gullible stories. However stupid I may be, you think I can’t understand this even? You have made me worse than a cooking maid. You are giving me a few morsels of food and a pair of clothes for all that hard labor I am rendering you day in and day out. I cannot put up with this humiliation. You wander with your Yasoda as you wish. Parks, coffee hotels, meetings, what not, take her with you all around.” She swiftly walks out with suitcase in hand.

Gopalam’s head reeled. He could not utter a single word. He sat flat. Their past life flashed at once in his mind.

He had been working in politics much before his marriage. Theirs was a love marriage. On whatever work he had been out, and however belated he might have been to home, Syamala used to await his return. Whatever his setbacks or the sufferings outside the house might be, once back home and under the care of Syamala, he enjoyed peace of mind. It is all, he thought, because of her….

He wanted to make her the queen of the house. Right from decorating the house to what to cook was left to her. He never interfered in it. If she asked for anything relating to the house he would say: “Your will, I have given you all the freedom to decide about everything relating to home.” Coming to issues lying outside the house, he felt he was independent. It was his firm belief that it is wrong for a woman to interfere in outside issues and for the man to interfere in the home matters. It is quite a natural division. As it was going on like this, one day his brother-in-law came. He belonged to a different political ideology. Seeing his family life, he said: “Along with you, let Syamala too join the politics, bava^[1] ?” 

Gopalam then narrated his perceptions to his brother-in-law.

“ Independence of women” doesn’t mean women competing with men. By birth there exists difference between a man and a woman. Owing to their innate nature, man is fit to lead a life of helping his community, while woman is fit to set right the domestic life. So, they must lead their lives in such a way that they can mutually support each other’s pursuit. Such wedlock alone is an ideal one. Else, there would be no amicability in the family. Instead, hatred will creep into wedlock. Life then becomes miserable. If a woman wants to acquire worldly knowledge, she can as well obtain it by reading newspapers sitting at home. But it is not desirable for women to participate in people’s movements.

Listening to these words, his brother-in-law said: “Bava, till date you both are having a good life. But over a period of time, as you continue to participate in people’s struggle, you will cultivate a unique cultured behavior of your own, while Syamala, being tied down to domestic life, will acquire a different behavior. Then conflict becomes inevitable. Your wedded life will then become worse than ordinary people’s wedlock. Listen to me, whatever social life you are cultivating outside home, do make it known to Syamala too. Otherwise, one day or the other you may burn out with regret.”

At these words, he laughed within himself. He thought that his brother-in-law can say so, for he belongs to a party that advocates participation of men and women in political movements irrespective of gender difference. He even wondered, how could he so soon forget the accusations that the public heaped on their party earlier, for such behavior? He inferred that by adopting Western culture, they had become bad.

But looking at his life introspectively, it appeared what his brother-in-law said has come true.

His participation in people’s struggle benefited him with varied experiences. It acquainted him with different kinds of people. Enabled him to experience a variety of concepts. As a result, working for the good of the nation had become everything for him. He could even decide to surrender everything he had for the nation. The horizon of his heart had indeed broadened. On the other hand, as the days rolled, Syamala’s behavior began exhibiting increasing signs of narrow-mindedness. Family had become everything for her. Beyond its boundaries everything appeared dark for her. Her husband and their pleasures alone mattered for her happiness. Once or twice she even expressed her displeasure at her husband’s overspending.   

“It is for the nation,” he had said. But that answer didn’t satisfy her. She asserted: “Family needs must be taken care of. Family first, and the nation next.” As days passed, she changed even further. She wanted gold jewelry made for her. She expressed her discomfort to be without gold bangles on hands and a chain in the neck, for people were ridiculing her. As anyway the property will soon evaporate, she demanded that the 10 acres of land given in marriage as dowry be transferred in her name. At least that would remain as a source of livelihood.

Believing that she would change, he had silently put up with everything, while she believing that he would change, continued to bear some of his acts.

But neither of them changed. Squabbles had become a routine of the family. She started disputing every rupee spent by him. She reached a stage where torturing alone had become her bliss. 

Now, it reached a climax. It was true that he and Yasoda were jointly collecting donations. It was also true that they both were working together. But, he never dreamt that his wife, Syamala, could think of him so poorly. She had changed. Her way of life and her friendships had cumulatively changed her completely. Now, what to do? Whatever he may say, she will not believe. She no longer has the liberality to believe that wife and husband can as well work together with unblemished hearts.

What is to be done? Is it that his relationship with Syamala is all set for termination? Is he to live with this allegation for the rest of his life?

In a flash of a second, all these memories came alive before him. Overtaken by sorrow, he felt helpless. Immediately, he remembered what his brother-in-law had warned. “As a participant in people’s struggle, you will cultivate a different culture … then conflict is inevitable. Your domestic life will then become worse than the wedlock of ordinary men and women. Believe me.”

Remembering these words, Gopalam felt that all this is his fault. Shedding tears, he murmured in a choked voice: “self-done”, “self-done.”

*  *  *